Too Many Betrayals
by kalinda001
Summary: Another revisiting of the final episode. What really caused Avon to kill Blake?


"Avon, I think he's here," said Tarrant.

Five simple words that held a wealth of possibilities. Avon and Vila looked at each other.

_I've found him for you. _Avon remembered the look of happiness on Vila's face when he told him that he had found Blake. For some reason, it had made him smile but he had turned his face so that the others couldn't see his reaction. He could never show anyone of them that he was human. The last few months with Vila had been tense. Ever since the shuttle. He had failed Vila.

There was a twinge of pain in Avon's back. His jaw tightened imperceptibly as he bit back the pain. The stresses had been building up unceasingly, one after the other. He seemed fated to be betrayed by one person after another until the only thing he had left of his past were bitter memories of people whom he once thought were friends.

And then there had been Anna, the one he thought would never betray him, the one for whom he would have willing died for, the one for whom he had endured torture for in order to avenge her death; the last person he had truly loved without reservation. What a fool he had been to trust anyone like that.

For some reason another flash of memory came to him. A scene from the _London_.

"What went wrong?" asked Blake.

"I trusted in people," was his own emotionless response that had covered a deep bitterness. He was sure someone had.

_Trusting people is always a mistake, Vila. We both should have learned that by now._

All of my past life flashed before me. A prelude to death. _An _o_dd thought. _His mind seemed to be playing tricks on him, dredging up the past. Perhaps it was because they were going to see Blake, someone he thought that he had finally left behind.

The past has a way of catching up with you. _Where do these thoughts come from?_ Avon almost laughed at the irony. His past with Anna certainly had.

The eagerness in Vila's eyes when he heard Blake was alive had made Avon smile but it also caused a feeling of deep regret. Vila had always trusted Avon to keep him safe, but that trust had been broken in a moment of weakness and fear. His own instinct for survival had become an ugly thing, even to himself. It didn't matter that he hadn't wanted to do it; that the stress of his heinous act had caused him to move slowly through the ship, jumping at shadows as if Vila was about to attack him, and making him sound like a stranger; the two sides of him warring against each other, one wanting to find Vila, the other hoping Vila would stay away so that he would not be faced with the ultimate choice. _When have I ever sounded this nice, Vila? Run and hide. Don't come out. _He wished he could believe that he wouldn't have killed Vila if he had found him, but wishes were not facts and the fact was that he had hunted Vila. Avon's logical mind could not dismiss the act, even if it had not been carried out to the final conclusion.

It had made him determined to never do it again, to anyone. It had caused him to want to stay with Tarrant to face certain death, even as the ship plunged towards its destruction. He had not failed that time but the tone of accusation in Vila's voice later, as he asked what happened to Tarrant, reminded Avon of the one failure he could never take back.

Going after Blake was the only thing he could do to make it up to Vila; finding the one person left whom Vila could trust. _As long as he doesn't get you killed in his fanatacism, that is. But I am not going to let that happen this time, Vila. I am going to make sure Blake does not drag us all down._

"Security personnel to main tracking gallery. Security personnel to main tracking --"

The voice of the woman at the control panel stirred Avon from thoughts that seemed to take a long time but was mere seconds.

Danger. Avon quickly lifted his gun and fired.

A man entered the room followed by a woman with a gun. Avon turned his rifle towards them in wariness.

_Blake? _The sight of the familiar, but also not familiar face, made Avon pause. This was not the Blake he was expecting. This man looked as if he had faced a dozen battles and lost most of them, this was not the lucky man he had left behind. Was this what happened to the man who couldn't afford to think? _You always did need me to save you, didn't you? To get you out of one mess after another. __What happened to you, Blake?_

Tarrant asked them, "Is it him?" Avon couldn't answer.

Vila said, "It's him."

Why didn't Vila sound happy to see Blake? Where was the joy in his voice that he had heard on the _Scorpio_? _Is Vila as shocked as I am to see this man whom we can barely recognize?_

Tarrant said, "He sold us, Avon. All of us. Even you."

Sold us. All of us. Even you.

Even you.

Tarrant had always been a precipitous fool, rushing in without thinking first, and invariably getting things wrong. The rational part of Avon's mind recognized this.

But it was no longer the rational man who controlled his actions.

_Sold us all. Even me! _Tarrant's fateful words had driven out all objectivity and touched the pain that had built up from a lifetime of being betrayed.

He didn't want to believe it. He wanted Blake to tell him that Tarrant was wrong, that he would not prove to be another person who would betray him or shoot him in the back.

Avon lowered his gun and walked forward. The agony of past betrayals was heard in his voice as he asked, "Is it true." The emotionally controlled man could no longer control the pain.

Blake answered, "Avon, it's me, Blake." The twisted apparition with Blake's voice and Blake's face moved forward.

Fear gripped Avon as he shouted, "Stand still!" Blake stopped.

_Why don't you deny it, Blake? Why don't you tell me that Tarrant is wrong?_

Avon, it's me, Blake.

_That's supposed to mean something to me? _

The man who was used to being betrayed remembered what Blake meant to him. All of the negative things. Anger filled Avon. Memories of the lies and manipulation. The bullying.

A flash of memory. He remembered Blake's first betrayal of him.

**********

He remembered his own voice saying in accusation, "I thought it was agreed we wouldn't do anything without discussing it thoroughly."

Blake's unrepentant voice said arrogantly, "True. It was also agreed that anybody could opt out at any time. Just tell me when you want to leave."

_So that's how it's going to be. You never intended to keep the promise. You only said it to shut us up so we would follow you. So __**I**__ would follow you, because you knew I never would unless you agreed to it. _And now it was too late to leave. _As you very well knew. _

_So it's do as you say without question, or get out. I was right. You came back and took everything and __**everyone**__. You're going to use us and get all of us killed in pursuit of your insane dream. I will bide my time, for now. But I am not going to let you take over that easily._

Avon said, "Oh, I will. But in the meantime I think we have a right to know what it is you're planning."

Blake ignored him and ordered, "Zen, set a course for Saurian Major, speed standard by two."

The computer responded, "Speed and course confirmed."

Blake's dismissal of him was not lost on Avon. He said, "That falls a little short of my idea of a thorough discussion."

_You really are a regular megalomaniac, aren't you? The others are too blinded by your 'goodness' to see it. They are going to follow you, so I'm stuck too. I don't have a choice. It's either stay here where you're in control, against my will, or be dropped off somewhere with nothing, except a price on my head. How long will I stay alive or free once they connect the sight of this ship with me? I will have to find a way. I would like this ship, but you're not likely to give it up. Even though by rights of discovery, part of it belongs to me as well. But you don't see that, do you?_

Gan said, "We can talk and travel. We're safer on the move."

_I was right again. These people are fools. They have no idea what Blake has just done to all of them._

Avon said derisively, "Another one who's prepared to let Blake do his thinking for him." He was developing a real lack of respect for anyone on this crew. They were all fools.

Blake shouted, "Enough, Avon!"

_Is that how you tell people to shut up? Is that how you handle people who don't do what you say, Blake? Shout them down? Is the truth too much for you? Don't you like it when someone sees you for what you really are? A lying hypocrite who would betray our trust whenever it suits your purposes? Freedom of choice indeed. What you really mean is __**your **__freedom to chose for everyone else. _

He wondered what other things Blake was willing to do in order to get his own way. He doubted if there was much he wasn't willing to do. The man was a fanatic. He had seen the type before.

**********

Avon's mind returned to the tracking gallery. _I would be a fool to believe that a person's life flashes before their eyes at the moment of their death. Then what is this?_

_Reminding me that it's you, doesn't tell me that you're not a betrayer, Blake. In fact it does the opposite. _Other things began to list themselves in Avon mind. Things that condemned Blake.

_Have you forgotten the day we went after Control on Earth? You betrayed all of us then. From beginning to end it was nothing but lies, manipulation and betrayal of trust. Even the fools recognized that. Vila stopped believing that you cared about him. But you were very clever, you made them believe again. You were always the master manipulator. That's one of the reasons I came to Gauda Prime. I needed that unscrupulous ability you have to blind people so they will be willing to throw themselves into the fire for you_.

Another memory.

_Have you forgotten trying to deal with the Terra Nostra. The great saint willing to work with murderers and drug dealers. What a laugh. You weren't even honest enough to admit it. You kept trying to fool the others with your words but Gan wasn't taken in. Maybe he wasn't entirely a fool after all. You showed what kind of man you really were that day. I wondered when you would. You never were the person you persuaded them all that you were._

_You didn't like it when I accused you of being a hypocrite then either, did you?_

_Then descending from wanting to work with the Terra Nostra to planning to control the drug trade in order to force them to do what you wanted. Drug dealer, Blake? And the use of force when you didn't get what you wanted, again? Those people weren't fooled by your persuasive words and warm manner like the others. It takes one ruthless person to recognize another. That's why I know you, Blake. But I have to hand it to you, you were always far more ruthless than I was_.

"No, YOU think, Blake." _Gan said that to you. Do you remember? Imagine that. And I thought __**he **__was the least intelligent person on the ship. You really were insane. And then telling Gan the Terra Nostra could do whatever it liked with the colonies because only Earth mattered to you. A priceless detail I like to remember on occasion when I recall all of the not-so-wonderful times I spent on the Liberator with YOU._

_I was right from the beginning, you were always willing to do anything in order to advance your cause. You never cared who was sacrificed as long as you got what you wanted. We were all fools to follow you. I was the biggest fool of them all, because I knew._

Avon wondered what would have happened if Blake had not gotten Gan killed. Would Gan begin to oppose Blake as he had? He had already started to see Blake for what he really was and refused to follow blindly anymore.

_How did you feel, Blake, when even Gan, started questioning you? It would have been ironic to finally have an ally, and have it be Gan. Cally had also begun to see the truth about you, Blake, by the end, when she questioned your plan at Star One. _

Avon's mind came back to the present again.

_Cally. _He had told her once that the only way to deal with regret was to keep it a small part of life. It was difficult to do that with his regrets about Cally. She had never betrayed him, but it was not the time to think about that.

_To think that I had brought Vila back to you, Blake. I must have been insane too._

He looked at Blake again through eyes that were full of Blake's betrayals.

_Am I going to be betrayed again? Are you going to try to kill me? Like Anna? Like Tynus? Is there a gun hidden in that layer of clothing? _

Out of the corner of his eyes, he saw the armed woman who had accompanied Blake. _Or does your flunky have orders to shoot me? Why did you not tell her to put her gun down when you saw me? _He had put his gun down but Blake had not told his accomplice to. That was not lost on Avon.

_There was never any real trust between us, Blake. I knew I could always rely on you to lie to me or manipulate me against my will. Or betray what you had promised. You never trusted me either or you would have never been careful never to let me stay alone with Jenna on the ship again, or to act suspicious whenever I was even a little late in following your orders._

_You made a mistake when you admitted to Jenna that you had been manipulating the odds so that I would never have the right conditions to leave. Until that day, I had never realized why I had started feeling like a prisoner on the ship and wanted to be free of you. Another betrayal, Blake. Or did you forget the original agreement? You had promised that any of us could leave if we wanted to, but it was another promise like all your other ones, wasn't it?_

"For as long as we're useful to each other."

_Do you remember saying that to me, Blake? I had asked you if you trusted me. _

_As long as you were useful to me. And as long as I was useful to YOU. __**You**__ said that to __**me**__._

_Is betraying me, more useful to you now?_

Avon asked, "Have you betrayed us? Have you betrayed me?!"

Why did this thought hurt though?

Blake replied, "Tarrant doesn't understand!"

Avon said, "Neither do I, Blake!"

Avon's mind believed that Blake would; the Blake that had repeatedly betrayed his trust in the past, the one who was willing to do any criminal act in order to further his cause, the man who cold-bloodedly murder helpless enemies, the one who would sacrifice millions of innocent lives just to prove his political agenda was right, and the man who treated his friends like expendable tools the moment he saw an opportunity to meet his goals; this man would. But for some reason, Avon didn't want to believe it.

Blake said, "I set all this up!"

The final admission.

There was anger in Avon's voice as he said, "Yes!"

_You set this up all for me? This base where your people beat up __**my**__**injured**__ pilot? _

Blake started moving forward again. "Avon, I was waiting for YOU."

_Is that why your people called for security when they saw us? Is that why you came with an armed guard? Who is still pointing her gun at ME? Even though my rifle is pointed away from you? What are you afraid of, Blake? That I won't willingly submit to being betrayed?_

Blake was getting too close. What was he going to do? Was it going to be like Anna all over again? This time there was no Cally to warn him. Is it going to be like Tynus?

Avon was not going to wait until another person pointed a gun at him again and tried to kill him. He had been lucky twice. There was no guarantee he was going to survive Blake's betrayal.

Avon finally brought his gun back up. _No more betrayals! _He fired at Blake. No one was going to betray him again and get away with it. He was not going to allow them the chance to kill him first. He had already been a fool twice. It was time to stop being other people's fool.

Avon was shocked as the gun pulled in his hand and Blake was hit. His hatred was allowing him to kill Blake but there was also something else, something that filled his face with horror.

The memories of all the things Blake had done to him moved his hands and Avon fired again.

Again Blake did not go down. He continued advancing, he didn't seem human.

_Why the chorus of silence for you, Blake_? Avon never realized that the lack of sound could be so deafening.

_Why no protests, Vila? Why don't you stop me? You were quick enough to defend him when I told you that Blake had been reduced to killing for bounty. Why did you leave me to ask all the questions? Were you afraid of the answer? _

_Did you betray us, Blake? The answer should be simple enough, but he couldn't even spare us that. He is always most evasive when he doesn't want to tell us the truth. Do you remember that, Vila?_

_You didn't believe that Blake would kill for money, but to sacrifice anyone of us for his cause? You aren't so sure of that, are you? You remember Control. He nearly sacrificed both of us so he could get a chance to destroy it. He did sacrifice Gan. Of course, he thought it was necessary. He always thinks that gives him the right to sacrifice any number of people's lives, even against their will; if he bothered to ask that is. Does he think it's necessary now? What benefit will he gain for his precious cause by selling us?_

Avon felt a twinge in his back again_.__ I'm no better than Blake. Not for you, Vila. Perhaps it's time that we both died._

Avon fired a third time.

This time, Blake finally stopped, but he was still standing.

Avon's face was filled with hatred as he pointed the gun up to point at Blake's face, prepared to blow his head off. In Avon's mind, Blake had taken on the face of all the people who had betrayed him and had tried to kill him. He wanted this betrayer dead.

Blake's knees begin to buckle and he grabbed Avon's arms. He gave an anguished cry, "Avon!" In that single word, Avon realized that he had made a fatal mistake. Blake had never betrayed him. He was not like everyone else. He was not trying to kill him.

Avon was frozen in shock. His mind felt numb as Blake slid down and fell at his feet.

Blake was dead and he had killed him. In that instant Avon realized he loved Blake. He may not want anything to do with Blake, but he did not want a universe without this man.

Despite all of Blake's flaws, Blake had loved them all and he had thought that he was doing the right thing. He was moved by compassion for those who were hurt or oppressed. He was a man who lived what he believed, to the point of risking his own life in suicidal acts. He never gave up, no matter what the Federation had done to him. He saw possibilities where there were none. He made things happen when everyone else would have given up. In many ways the man was a fool, but he was a fool who was trying his best to do what he thought was right. He may have dragged them all into danger against their will, but he would be the first one to try to save them if they ran into trouble, no matter what the cost. For that Avon loved Blake and respected him. No one had ever been willing to do that for him. He once thought that Anna would, but he had been wrong.

Avon had hated Blake for his flaws and the methods he practiced that made him a hypocrite. The man was a friend who didn't know how to be a friend. He fought to give freedom of choice to others but didn't seem to realize his actions took that freedom away from those around him. He was blinded by a righteous cause into doing non-righteous acts, thinking the intent justified any action. The man didn't seem to know the meaning of hypocrisy.

Blake couldn't afford to think on the best of days and on others, he seemed to consider relying on luck as a valid substitute for intelligence. _You seemed to have run out of it now._

But despite all of that, Avon also loved Blake for his perfection; the idealist who still believed that it was possible to have the kind of galaxy that Avon had abandoned long ago in bitterness.

In the dark world they lived in, where no one trusted each other and no one was worthy of trust, Blake was as much of a shining light as they could possibly hope for. A light tarnished by the darkness that swallowed everything else up and Blake struggling to keep that one flicker of brightness within himself. That was why Avon had stayed as long as he had with Blake but in the end, it was that darkness that had driven him away. Avon, the rational man, who craved truth, finally could not stand the dichotomy of a man who was both light and darkness at the same time.

His hatred for Blake had enabled him to kill Blake. His love for Blake, caused him to be frozen in shock and guilt. Avon was horrified by what he had done. He had finally become the ruthless man that he had always claimed he was. At the wrong time, at the wrong place and with the wrong person.

_What have I done?_

Avon was only vaguely aware when Arlen told them who she was. He barely registered when another of Blake's people came in and was shot by Arlen. Everything became a distant blur as Federation troops burst in and his own people were killed. It looked as if they had walked into another one of Blake's disasters. He was about to get another group of his precious rabble killed and they were caught in the trap. Not even Avon or luck could save Blake this time. Nothing could save any of them.

Avon was only peripherally aware of all of this; he could not take his eyes off the face of the friend he had just killed.

A shout from Tarrant seemed to wake Avon, but it was too late. Tarrant fell.

Avon looked up as Federation troops surrounded him. Avon had no doubt what they were going to do to him. The black figures of death had never given his crew a chance to surrender. He expected no such mercies for himself.

He didn't deserve it.

Avon looked down at Blake's body again and then deliberately stood over him protectively and raised his rifle. It was the only thing left that he could do for Blake before he died. He could not give him a proper burial but at least he could give him a repentant friend, an honour guard for his body, even as he was killed.

_We will stand together. At last we understand each other. We both betrayed each other and we were both fools. Perhaps if we had been able to be friends, this would not have happened. _

Avon primed his rifle. Shots rang out.

The Federation Avon and Blake lived in taught them that no one could be trusted. In the end, the Federation won. Avon had been right from the very beginning, no one could win against the Federation.


End file.
